Sean Higgins Kane

Yesterday, I had the honor eulogizing a man who I loved deep in my soul in front of his family, which also owns a large piece of my heart. Afterwards, I was asked to share my remarks by some who attended his memorial services and my blog seemed the easiest way to do so. I don't have the heart to say more now. Below is the eulogy:

For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Jen Mulato and Sean was a brother to my husband and I in every way that mattered. He adopted us, as he did so many people, 12 years ago and we’ve been family ever since. 

When sitting down to write this, I admit to being overwhelmed by the responsibility of trying to adequately honor Sean Kane. The breadth of his being was simply too magnificent to summarize. 

As I sat listening to his Ultimate Spotify Playlist, his soundtrack for life, I struggled to think of the best way to approach eulogizing a man I still can’t bear the thought of losing. It took me several tries to get it right. 

At first, I thought I would describe his character...

He was a complex man, a mixture of impossible dichotomies that somehow fused together to form the incredible being that he was. He was tough, Queens NY to his very core, yet also the warmest and most welcoming soul any of us have ever met. He was successful and extravagant, nicknamed “Most Extra,” but humble and never condescending or boastful. He was a shrewd businessman and yet generous to a fault. We never left his house without an odd assortment of gifts that he felt compelled to share. He surrounded himself with new and state of the art everything, but had a gold medal for swimming through nostalgia and hoarding momentos. His small Kermit doll from childhood sat lovingly next to the latest generation Macbooks in his office. Sean was the loudest in every room but the most steadfast keeper of secrets. 

I could stand here for days listing all of Sean’s brilliant facets, but cataloguing his attributes didn’t seem the best way to capture his essence, so I thought of using an analogy.

Sean was magnetic, with his own gravitational pull. In fact, he was very much like the sun, emanating light and life to all those who revolved around him. Once you were pulled into Sean’s orbit, you were content to stay there and bask in the aura of his energy. And yet as much as he was effortlessly a focal point in so many of our universes, his own world centered on his family. His love for Nicole, Dominic, Layla, and Gracie was deep and bottomless. For all of his accomplishments, he was most proud of being able to provide for and surround himself with his wife, son, and daughters. As much as Sean was the sun, Nicole and his children were his moon and stars, dictating the tides of his life and lighting the way through his darkest moments. 

His family was his motivation to always keep going, they were undeniably his top priority. But Sean was also well known for prioritizing everyone around him, making everyone feel like they had his undivided attention. I’d like to share a story with you all, one that Sean shared with me with a smile and a shrug, not realizing the true power behind it:

A few years ago, Sean woke up early to go to the gym. On his way, he drove past a woman who was standing on the ledge of an overpass ready to end her life. Being Sean Kane, he didn’t hesitate or continue on his way, but pulled to the side of the road and stopped. He didn’t immediately call 911, as most of us would, but instead approached the woman and began talking with her with that Sean Kane brand of understanding and charisma. In less than an hour, Sean had convinced the woman that her life was worth living and that she was deserving of help. He even held her hand as she was loaded into an ambulance at the end of the encounter. He saved this soul all before most of us had even had their coffee for the day. That’s just what he did, collected damaged souls and made them feel worthy and whole, without fanfare or judgement. He had time and compassion for everyone.

In the end, I decided that the best way to illustrate the beauty of Sean Kane is to leave you with his own words. Who better to conjure the essence of his spirit, than the man himself? A while back he said to me, verbatim:

“We live and we learn, that’s all we can do. The key is to wake up, step over the mess, and just make the best day we can. We both know that some days are harder than others, but that’s ok, too. You know this life thing throws us curveballs all the time and it’s how we deal with them. Just hold the course. I am sure there will be bumps but the key is to lean on those you are closest to when you need them the most.”

He also said to me, just a few weeks ago, even in the midst of all of his pain... He said, and this a direct request...he said:

“Do me a favor. Smile. Laugh...it’s all going to be ok.”